


Love & Drugs

by exitthequitters



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pop punk band, F/M, The rest of one direction is there but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 06:13:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exitthequitters/pseuds/exitthequitters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perrie's little pop punk band isn't famous enough to get her a free ticket to a One Direction concert, but it is famous enough to get her notice while she's there, by everyone including Zayn Malik.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love & Drugs

**Author's Note:**

> This was a present for a really good friend of mine, and she really liked it so I hope you guys do too! Also, there's background larry. Like really background, you might not even notice it. But it is there, I promise.  
> Thank you to Mallory for all the help.  
> [My tumblr](exitthewritter.tumblr.com) and [Mallory's!](buttercup-lou.tumblr.com)

Perrie works hard to keep her love for One Direction a secret. People like her aren’t supposed to be into music like One Direction. She’s supposed to be into music like All Time Low and Fall Out Boy and all the other bands her little pop punk band supports on tour. 

So Perrie hides her squeal when One Direction comes on in public and scoffs when the interviewers ask the joke question about which member is her favorite. Perrie thinks the fans haven’t caught on yet. Her band mates know, of course, the members of Little Mess know their bassist better than she knows herself. 

She cries when she opens her birthday present from them.

“It’s a floor seat!” Jade says happily, bouncing up and down on the couch next to Perrie. “You’re going to be so close to them, Pez!”

“We could only afford one, sorry.” Jesy shrugs and flips her long hair over her shoulder and into Leigh-Anne’s face. 

“That’s okay, I don’t care! I’m going to see One Direction!” Perrie buries her face in her hands, taking deep breaths until she feels like she won’t hyperventilate. “I can’t believe you did this for me.”

“We just love you, Pezza!” Jade smiles and pulls Perrie into a hug, picking the small girl up and carrying her towards the stage. Touring for a band like them never ends, not when it’s their only source of income.

Perrie is buzzing on stage, with the other three members just trying to keep up. They’re the only all girl band to really make it very far in the scene and they have a reputation to uphold. They do their best, Jade sings her heart out while Jesy throws herself into the drums and Leigh-Anne spins around while strumming her guitar. Perrie runs around the stage, playing too close to the other girls and almost falling into the sea of a crowd, but she’s never been more pleased with a show before. She’s drenched in sweat by the time they all bound off stage together, her light blonde hair sticking to the back of her neck. But Perrie’s satisfied with the show, absolutely sure they convinced someone in the crowd to buy a shirt or a CD.

There’s a small cluster of girls around the merch table that only grows when Perrie walks over. She ducks behind the table to help sell shirts, smiling for pictures with fans and blushing when one of the girls says they like her new hair color. This is her life, and while Perrie spends most of her days absolutely exhausted and she’s still completely broke, she’s incredibly satisfied with her choices. Little Mess has a fairly successful debut album, and a fairly decent clump of loyal fans, and most importantly, they have each other, and for now that’s enough. 

-

This crazy idea Perrie had that she could hide her love for One Direction a secret is shattered as soon as she gets to the concert. She’s unsteady as she walks to her seat, and holy shit, does she have a _great_ seat, she’s sending her band mates eleven roses and one fake one so her love for them will never die. She sits, prepared to take it easy before One Direction comes on, completely unprepared, and feels a gentle tap on her shoulder. 

“Are you Perrie?” A girl behind her asks, an absolutely blinding smile covering her whole face. “From Little Mess?”

“Yeah, that’s me!” Perrie replies smiling brightly. She hardly ever gets recognized in public.

“Will you take a picture with me? I love your band!” The girl jumps up and rushes over to Perrie’s seat. Perrie stands, throws her arm around the girl, and makes a face as the girl takes the picture.

It’s like the flash draws the attention of all the other girls on the ground level. It’s like practically every pair of eyes turns to Perrie. It’s like Perrie is the center of attention. 

“Perrie!” Someone shrieks, and then a large crowd of girls, all asking for her attention, surrounds Perrie. Some are asking for pictures, some are trying to push their way closer to her, some are just smiling and screaming, and others seem to just want to see what all the commotion is about. Perrie stands in the middle of the crowd, feeling beyond lost. This many people have never been so concerned with her presence, even at her own concerts. Sometimes fans will wait outside of the van or be outside of the venue, but it never gets out of hand, never turns into something Perrie can’t handle. She’ll smile and take pictures and have a pleasant conversation and go on with her day. This is different, this is big and everywhere Perrie looks, and she just can’t see an escape route. 

Either way, it’s a scene and Perrie is technically the cause of it. She shouldn’t be surprised when a security guard appears at her elbow. 

“I’m sorry, Miss, but you’ll have to leave the general area. For safety.” The guard says, looking down at her. Perrie sighs and nods, trying not to pout. As cool as it is for this many people to care about her and her band, she’s still a little pissed that she’ll have to miss the biggest concert she’ll probably ever attend. 

The guard places a hand on Perrie’s back, leading her through the crowd and through a side door near the stage. Perrie’s eyes widen when she realizes she’s back stage. 

“You can watch from over here.” The guard gestures to a small area with a few chairs seat up. Perrie sits gingerly in the middle chair, looking to see that she has the most perfect view of the stage anyone could ask for. “You’re welcome to bother the boys, but please don’t interrupt the show. Sorry for the inconvenience.” 

“No inconvenience at all.” Perrie murmurs, running her fingers up and down the armrest of her chair. The guard smiles and leaves, giving Perrie space to panic. 

Her first reaction is to tell the girls, sending a frantic text to their group message. _the great news is people have heard of us the wonderful news is im back stage the bad news is i cant breathe send help ._

She slides her phone into her back phone with shaking hands, looking around with wide eyes at the busy backstage area. Through the haze of people in all black setting up, Perrie can see what looks like Harry and Louis sitting rather close together, their temples touching and Louis hand resting high up on Harry’s thigh. She watches Harry kiss Louis gently before they stand and walk hand in hand into their dressing room. The door is wide open and Liam is standing shirtless in the middle of the room, turning slowly in circles and singing scales. Niall is over on the other side of the stage, with someone Perrie recognizes from the opening act, smiling happily at Niall’s phone. 

And Zayn.

Zayn walks right past Perrie, less than three feet away. Perrie gasps and slaps a hand over her mouth, coming to turns with the idea that she has officially lost all of her cool credibility. 

Except Zayn turns and looks at her, freezing mid-step. Suddenly he’s the one who looks nervous and intimidated. “You’re Perrie Edwards.” He says, his voice wispy with disbelief. 

“Have you heard of me?” Perrie asks, the shock clearly evident in all of her features. 

“Yes!” Zayn shouts before catching himself. He coughs into his hand and shakes his head before speaking again. “I mean, yeah. You’re in Little Mess. You’re not bad.”

“Not bad?” Perrie mutters softly. 

“I mean.” Zayn groans and sits down next to her. “You’re great. The whole band is. DNA is an incredible song; I play it all the time. The boy’s are probably sick of it.” He smiles and Perrie softens at how sweet he looks. 

“I can’t believe you’ve heard of me.” Perrie mumbles, watching out of the corner of her eye as Niall and Liam do jumping jacks. It’s the perfect distraction from the intense look in Zayn’s eyes. He’s certainly very pretty up close and Perrie is finding this whole experience to be very overwhelming. She was not prepared.

“I can’t believe _you’ve_ heard of _me_.” Zayn says with a laugh. “I can’t believe you’re a fan.” 

“Yeah.” Perrie grimaces. “I try not to tell people. Like, I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of but a lot of people are under the impression that I can’t be in a pop-punk band if I like pop music. It’s stupid, especially now that I’m telling you, but. We don’t have a lot of fans.”

Zayn sits quietly for a minute and Perrie is so worried that she’s offended him she can hardly breathe. Perrie doesn’t like picking favorites, but if she had to she’d pick Zayn. The girls know, the girls know everything, but Perrie thinks very highly of Zayn, thinks very highly of all of them, but especially Zayn. She sees his art and the way he treats the fans and the boys and all the good things he does for his family and just thinks Zayn deserves the world. The last thing Perrie wants is to offend _Zayn_. 

“I think we’re pretty cool.” Zayn says finally, an unreadable look on his face. Perrie’s ready to apologize; ready to beg for forgiveness, but then Zayn’s giggling and Perrie can’t help but giggle too. 

“I think you’re cool, too.” Perrie says. They laugh at each other for a bit and Perrie thinks the joke is probably that she’s sitting next to Zayn Malik more than anything else. They start talking about their respective bands and plans for the future, comparing recording styles and hotels in every part of the world. Zayn is easy to talk to and Perrie is so proud of herself for not freaking out. 

“You’re not what I expected.” Perrie says when their conversation finally reaches a natural lull.

“What were you expecting?” Zayn asks.

“A bad boy!” Perrie cries. “You’re supposed to be the bad boy of the band that I’m supposed to want to save!”

Zayn burst out laughing like it’s the funniest joke he’s ever heard. Perrie feels proud, even though she wasn’t joking. “What am I then?” He finally asks.

“Honestly?” Zayn nods. “You’re a bit of a nerd.”

“A nerd!” Zayn scoffs in fake outrage.

“We spent the last ten minutes comparing the Walking Dead comic books to the TV show. That’s pretty nerdy.” Perrie shrugs, watching Niall and Louis race on Segways while Harry pretends to be a referee. 

“The Walking Dead is cool!” Zayn argues. “You think so too, I know you do!”

“Cool things can be nerdy, too.” Perrie concludes.

“So.” Zayn says after a thoughtful moment. “You don’t want to save me, then?”

“I didn’t say that.” Perrie answers calmly. “I just said I don’t need to save you from your bad boy self. Maybe I need to save you from something else.”

“Zayn!” A blonde yells from the doorway of the dressing room, her hands above her head in disbelief.

“Be right there, Lou!” Zayn calls back. 

“Girlfriend?” Perrie asks, because she’s read that Zayn’s single but, hey, he could be hiding something. 

“Hair stylist.” Zayn answers, a knowing smile on his face as Perrie blushes. “Listen, I have to get ready for the show. Will you…?”

“I’ll be here.” Perrie says, their conversation coming to a clear _to be continued_. Zayn grins and walks to the dressing room. Perrie watches him walk away and talk to Niall, gesturing in her general direction. Niall laughs and waves at her, throwing an arm around Zayn’s shoulders when the man tries to hide. Yes, Perrie absolutely owes her band mates a bouquet of roses. 

-

Perrie doesn’t see Zayn for three months after the One Direction concert. That’s not to say she doesn’t hear from Zayn though. He follows her on twitter immediately after the show and sends her a message saying how nice it was to meet her and that they should get together again some time and then his phone number. 

The girls squeal and tell Perrie that she absolutely positively has to text Zayn, simply because he’s Zayn Malik. Perrie rolls her eyes and mumbles about Zayn being more than his fame, but her friends just don’t seem to get it. 

But, well, there’s really no harm in texting Zayn. He’s sweet and easy to talk to and Perrie likes having people like Zayn in her life. 

So they text, almost constantly at this point. Perrie’s almost always busy, she’s almost always on stage or working on the next album or trying to promote the band, and Zayn’s almost always busy with exactly the same thing, so it’s nice talking to someone who understand. It’s nice for Perrie to pull her phone out when she has a free moment to see some little text from Zayn. Most of them are dumb, stuff like _the bus smells weird_ , and _i hope the new thor movie is good_ , and _i dont know where i am in the world_ , but Perrie likes them all the same. 

Perrie is more than a little surprised when she gets a slightly different text from Zayn. _Im going to be in the same area as you tomorrow night_ , it says, _you mind if I come to your show??_

“He wants to come to the show!” Perrie screams. She grabs Jade’s cheeks and forces her to look at her. “Our show. Tomorrow night.” 

“Panic!” Jesy yells. Perrie looks at her with wide eyes, but scoffs when she sees Jesy roll her eyes. Jade is still looking around confused which really only leaves one.

“What do I do Leigh-Anne?” Perrie asks, her thumbs posed over the keys on her phone to reply. 

“Okay, first you’re going to put his name on the guest list. Then you’re going to tell Zayn that you’re looking forward to seeing him again. Finally, you get ready for tonight’s show.” Leigh-Anne answers. She ruffles Perrie’s hair and gestures to where Jade is nodding enthusiastically. 

“I really like that plan, Perrie.” Jade says with a smile. 

“Thanks, loves!” Perrie blows them all a kiss from the door, on her way to talk to their tour manager, typing out a reply to Zayn as she walks.

Perrie’s nervous. Of course she is. The set the four of them do, the set they preform every night, the set that Perrie has always been completely satisfied with, is now going to be seen by Zayn. What if he doesn’t like the songs they play? What is they aren’t good live? What if he simply isn’t impressed?

Perrie plays that night wondering what her little band will look like to Zayn. She imagines Zayn bobbing his head on the side of the stage and wonders if he’d sing along, if he’d even know the words to any of their songs. 

Suddenly Perrie wants Zayn to like her, in more than just the way she wants total strangers to like her. She wants Zayn to think she writes good music and has good stage presence. She wants Zayn to want to be around her and be proud to call her a friend. She wants him to know all the dumb sides of her and think they’re all cool in an off center kind of way. 

So Perrie is nervous. 

-

Zayn arrives at the venue way before anyone else. Something about wanting to sneak in before anyone was there to see him. He hugs Perrie close when she walks backstage. 

“I’ve missed you.” He says. “I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye last time.”

“It’s okay.” Perrie shrugs and smiles. It’s weird having Zayn in front of her again. For three months Zayn was just a story to tell her friends and a text message on her phone. Now he’s a person who hasn’t let go of her wrist yet. “I want you to meet my friends. If that’s okay?” 

“Lead the way.” Zayn smiles and trails his fingertips down to the palm of Perrie’s hand before lacing their fingers together. He’s wearing glasses tonight but his eyes are bright and clearly visible behind the thick lenses. Its all Perrie can do to turn away from him and lead him through the backstage area to where Little Mess’s small dressing room is hiding. 

They’re rearrange their things when Perrie walks in, trying to make everything fit in the room. There’s makeup and curlers and clothes taking up every surface and it’s then that Perrie notices how much stuff they have between the four of them. 

“Guys!” Perrie calls. “This is Zayn. Zayn this is Leigh-Anne, Jesy, and Jade.” 

“Wow, you really did meet Zayn Malik.” Jesy mumbles while Leigh-Anne clears off a space for Zayn to sit down. 

“You have sound check, Pez.” Jade says, leading Perrie to the door. “We’ll entertain Zayn while you’re gone.”

“You’ll be nice, yeah?” Perrie asks, suddenly very glad that her band mates aren’t big One Direction fans. At least she can be sure they won’t geek out on Zayn. 

“Go sound check, Perrie.” Jade smiles wickedly and closes the door. 

-

Zayn’s is laughing loudly when Perrie finally makes her way back to the dressing room. He’s curled up in his chair, his cheeks pink and eyes squeezed tightly shut. Perrie smiles from the look on his face.

“You’re friends are hilarious, Perrie.” Zayn gets out between laughs. He swings his legs over the arm of the chair, giving Perrie room to squeeze into the chair next to him. They’re close together, so close Perrie can feel his chest move with every breath he takes, and she wants to lean back and see if she can feel his heart beat. Zayn places a hand on the small of her back, rubbing circles with his thumb. Perrie looks at him over her shoulder, smiling when she sees Zayn’s smirk. 

“They aren’t bad.” Perrie finally says. 

“I mean, fine.” Jesy smiles. “So what if we sent you away so we could make sure Zayn was good enough for you? He passed, didn’t he?” 

“Passed with flying colors!” Jade giggles and ruffles Zayn’s hair. Apparently they reached that level while Perrie was gone. Zayn swats at Jade’s hand but he still has this happy, animated smile on his face, so Perrie assumes he’s okay. 

“Door’s just opened.” Leigh-Anne announces. “We’re going to go try to sell some merch. We’re on in an hour, Pez, so don’t forget to actually get ready.” Leigh-Anne grabs Jade and Jesy and pulls them out of the room, each of them throwing knowing looks at Perrie over their shoulders. 

“So, Perrie,” Zayn starts, “what does getting ready actually mean?” 

“The usual stuff. Make up, hair; maybe I’ll change clothes. Why?” Perrie stands and makes her way to where the girls have set all of their stuff up, sorting out what’s hers and what she’ll actually end up using. 

“I was just wondering how long that’d take you?” Zayn follows her across the room, sweeping his fingers over the tips of her hair as he goes, and sitting on the edge of the counter. 

“Like... an hour?” Perrie guesses.

“So you don’t have time to be kissed right now?” Zayn asks.

“Not right now, no.” Perrie answers, watching Zayn shrug. “But, hold that thought? At least ‘til after the show?”

“After the show.” 

-

So Perrie waits until after the show. There’s the pre-show ritual and the actual show and sneaking out of the venue and barely there touches in the back of Zayn’s car and the elevator to the floor of a high-class hotel One Direction has rented out and Zayn fumbling with the key card. And then they’re kissing. 

They’re barely in the hotel room before Zayn has his lips on her, back pressed to the door and hands holding her close by the waist. Perrie feels dizzy from the circles Zayn is drawing on her hipbones and has to lean heavily on Zayn’s chest so she won’t fall. 

Zayn trails his lips down to her jaw and over to her ear, murmuring about how good she was on stage, how sexy she looked, and how he couldn’t wait to get his hands on her. Perrie sighs at the compliments, finding her mind again and walking them over to the sofa in the room. He sits, pulling her down so she’s sitting comfortable at his side, and begins lazily moving his fingers up and down her thighs. Perrie laughs and pulls away, kissing Zayn on the cheek as she goes. 

“Okay?” He asks, one hand on her knee and the other at her elbow. His hands have stopped moving but they’re still touching her bare skin, still grounding her.

“Yeah, fine. I just.” Perrie stops and thinks, finally deciding Zayn will understand. “I’m just still a little buzzed from the show. Feels like I’m everywhere at once or something. It’s hard to focus on just this. If that makes sense.”

“It makes sense. Do you want some help with that?” Zayn stands and walks over to where a suitcase is sitting at the foot of the bed. He pulls a plastic bag out of one of the pockets and sits back down next to her and starts rolling a joint.

“Do you do this after every show?” Perrie asks softly, watching his skilled fingers work. 

“Not every show. Sometimes I have trouble calming down afterwards, too. Usually I’m alone though.” Zayn shrugs and looks at her. “I’ll put it away if you want me to.” 

“It’s okay.” Perrie stands and walks over to the bed, getting comfortable on the fluffy duvet. “It’s just been awhile.” 

“Really?” Zayn asks, not a hint of teasing in his voice. He lies down on the bed next to her, looking up with wide eyes.

“Yeah, for a while I was trying to graduate and finish the EP. Then we started touring and we really didn’t have any help with that. And then there was recording a full-length album and more touring. And now it’s touring and writing the second album.” Perrie sighs. “I haven’t really had the time to take a break and catch my breath since this started.”

“You’re taking a break now.” Zayn replies. “No band, no album, no show. Just you and me.”

Perrie has to fight to contain her smile. “You’ll have to teach me.”

-

They end up on the balcony, because the balcony overlooks the pool and they both like water even if they don’t like being in water. Perrie plays with Zayn’s lighter, flicking the flame on and off, while Zayn gets himself settled. Finally Zayn clears his throat and holds his hand out, gesturing for the lighter. 

“Right, so I don’t really know how to explain it.” He finally draws out, lighting the joint and bringing it to his lips. He takes a drag and then offers it to her, slumping when Perrie just raises an eyebrow. 

“Didn’t you want to be a teacher?” She asks. 

“Just come here.” Zayn scoots closer to her and Perrie does the same until their knees are touching and the only way to be closer involves Perrie sitting in Zayn’s lap.

Zayn puts the joint between his lips and beckons Perrie even closer. She raises up onto her knees and steadies herself with Zayn’s thighs, relaxing as Zayn carefully removes the joint and pulls her in with a gentle hand to the back of her head. There lips meet and the warm smoke enters Perrie’s mouth as Zayn’s tongue slowly pushes soft hums out of Perrie. It’s lazy and quiet and everything Perrie needs right now. 

In fact, Perrie’s pretty sure she doesn’t even need the weed, pretty sure she could reach some sort of natural high just from Zayn’s hands and Zayn’s mouth and Zayn’s lovely voice speaking lovely words. The weed is just for Zayn’s benefit, just to get them on the same level. 

“Okay?” Zayn asks, his lips a bright red and slightly swollen. His eyes slowly search Perrie’s face taking in all her features as she smiles.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Perrie replies. She lifts the joint back up to Zayn’s lips and watches him before leaning in and connecting their lips again.

They push smoke back and forth between them until one joint and half of another is gone and Perrie is pulling Zayn up and back into his hotel room. She smirks, closes the balcony doors and pushes Zayn down on the bed, kissing him with more force than was possible outside. She climbs on top and he’s hard, his erection straining against his jeans as Perrie settles on top of Zayn’s chest. It’s been a while since she’s been with anyone, the touring making sure of that, but Perrie is sure she still remembers how to do this. Her hands move between their bodies, over the soft cotton of Zayn’s t-shirt, until she feels smooth skin between his shirt and jeans. Perrie leans back so she can see Zayn, smiling and pulling lightly at the waistband of his jeans. 

“I could blow you, if you’d like.” Perrie mumbles. 

“That would be nice.” Zayn’s words are slow and Perrie smiles as she kisses his neck, feeling his stubble scratch her skin slightly, and gently palms his dick through his jeans. Zayn groans and pushes his hips up into Perrie’s hand, laughing when he sees her pull away and quirk an eyebrow. “It would be very nice, Pez.”

Perrie moves deftly, pulling down Zayn’s jeans and pants in one fluid movement, and runs her tongue along the underside of his dick. Zayn sighs and Perrie wraps her lips and bobbing her head around him, hands working around what she can’t reach. It’s not a good blowjob but Zayn seems to be all right, already on edge from the weed, and Perrie feels like it won’t take much for him to come. His fingers stroke her hair and Perrie can hear Zayn gasp and moan above her. She hums around him and Zayn pulls lightly on the strands of her hair as he comes. 

Perrie pulls off Zayn’s softened dick once she’s licked off every drop of cum and smiles, finally lying down next to him. 

“What time do you need to get back?” He asks, turning to look at her with clouded eyes. 

Perrie pulls Zayn’s phone out of the pocket of his discarded jeans and groans. “Bus call’s in half an hour.”

Zayn sighs but pulls himself together, holding Perrie’s hand as they walk out some back entrance to where the car is waiting to take Perrie away. 

“I’d come with you but…” Zayn begins.

“I get it.” Perrie smiles and kisses Zayn’s cheek. “Bye, Zayn.” She gets in the car, her smile falling as soon as the door is shut. She’ll probably never see him again.

-

Tour finally ends. Perrie feels like it’s been the longest eight months in human history, but she would never change any of it. They have three days off, which Perrie spends napping and doing laundry at the flat she shares with Jade, and then it’s to the studio to work on the new album. There’s a lot of watching Jesy play the same eight counts until the producer is satisfied and going over lyrics and rhythms and chords with Jade and Leigh-Anne. 

Perrie’s so lost in the music surrounding her and spending time with her girls to think about how long it’s been since she’s seen Zayn. Sure, they still text and every now and then they leave each other a voicemail, but it doesn’t come close to being able to touch Zayn. Perrie thinks she’s not cut out for long distance relationships, if she’s even in a relationship with Zayn. They’ve never talked about it, and if Perrie had to guess she’d say they weren’t, but that doesn’t stop her from missing Zayn.

So it feels like an illusion when Perrie runs into Zayn in the hallway of the studio.

“What are you doing here?” Perrie asks, a blinding smile on her face and arms around Zayn’s neck. Zayn picks her up around the waist and spins her around. “Are the lads with you?”

“Just me today. I was sick during recording a bit back so everyone’s finished but me.” Zayn grins and Perrie pushes the months since she’s seen him out of her head. “It’s just me and our producer if you want to join me?”

“I’ll have to ask the girls.” Perrie pulls Zayn down the hall and peeks her head into the room Little Mess has rented. “If you need me, I’ll be with Zayn.” Perrie calls into the room, smiling when the girls just wave her off, apparently expecting the day when Zayn shows up again and Perrie leaves with him without a second thought. 

-

Watching Zayn sing live is nothing compared to watching him record. He’s much more involved in the music than Perrie would have thought, working with the producers to improve the song. His eyes flick to Perrie as he sings, smiling at every face Perrie makes over the producers head while the producer messes with the levels, but Perrie sits still and quiet, simply watching as Zayn sings. He’s passionate and talented in a way that Perrie wishes she saw more.

“I didn’t know you knew so much about music.” Perrie says when Zayn finally leaves the booth. He shrugs and sits next to her on the couch against the back wall, waiting until the producer leaves, muttering about needing coffee. 

“We don’t really get a lot of say in our careers.” Zayn says. “You know that, you’ve seen the way Harry and Louis act when they’re alone compared to in front of a crowd. I thought if I could understand music, the producers would actually listen to me and the boys and I would have a say in the music we make.”

“The song sounds incredible.” Perrie says, leaning on Zayn’s shoulder and holding in a yawn. 

“It’s nice to actually make music that represent who we are as people for a change.” Zayn murmurs softly, noticing Perrie’s energy drop as the day went on. “We’ve been here for hours, do you want to go get some food?” 

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Perrie asks.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Zayn sits up straight, scooting slightly away from her.

“Your fans…”

“Right.” Zayn sighs and leans back on the couch, suddenly looking very tired himself.

“We could go to my flat and order pizza?” Perrie suggests.

“Really?” Zayn monotones. Perrie takes a deep breath, willing herself to wake up and be energetic so Zayn will be too. 

“Yeah! I love pizza; pizza might be my favorite thing ever. And my flat is really nice, we have working air conditioning and a lot of movies.” Perrie smiles, already pulling Zayn up and sending Jade a text, asking her to stay with Leigh-Anne and Jesy tonight. 

“Well, if there’s air conditioning.” Zayn laughs, a bounce in his step as he leads her out a back door to a car with heavy tinted windows. 

“We can’t all sell out world tours in less than a second.” Perrie grumbles, sliding in the backseat and letting Zayn kiss her, hands immediately in her hair and bodies moving together. They pick up where they left off, as if it’s been only minutes since the last time they kissed instead of months, like their fingertips and lips couldn’t forget the other.

They pull apart so Perrie can tell the driver how to get to her flat, squirming when Zayn moves his lips to her neck instead of removing them altogether. He’s determined to keep his hands on her, as if he can tell just like she can that this isn’t working and this is coming to an end. 

Zayn looks around her flat with wide eyes while Perrie orders too much food. She leaves Zayn to wander around and puts in a movie she knows they’ve both seen dozens of times. It’s an easy night of pizza and a movie Perrie loves and a boy who smells like vanilla. The physical act of being with Zayn is easy, conversations that prove just how good they are for each other and confident touches, but Perrie knows that actually being with Zayn might be the hardest thing she’s ever done. The knowledge that Zayn is leaving in a few hours hangs over every move Perrie makes, reminding her that she is just the girl with the small flat and the small band that Zayn has a small relationship with. 

They lay in Perrie’s bed together after the movie ends. 

“Our next tour starts in a month.” Zayn says softly. Perrie hums so he knows she’s listening. “We don’t have an opener yet, though. Louis’ looking at some band in Australia that Harry likes but no one seems too sold on them.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone.” Perrie mumbles. 

“What’s wrong?” Zayn asks, pulling Perrie closer.

“It’s just hard.” Perrie sighs. “I’ve known you for six months and only seen you three times.”

“Those three times have been good though, yeah?” Zayn looks away from Perrie’s face and Perrie can tell he’s regretting starting this conversation. It has to happen though, they both know it. 

“It’s been great! I just don’t know if I’m cut out for liking someone so much that I never see.” Perrie buries her head in Zayn’s neck, just wanting to hold on to Zayn for a little longer. 

“I know, I feel the same way.” Zayn replies, stroking up and down Perrie’s back. 

“If there was anything I could do to make this work, Zayn, I would absolutely do it.” Perrie says, needing Zayn to understand that this is for both of them.

“I’ll fix this, Pez. I promise.” Zayn says seriously. 

“Okay.” Perrie smiles and kisses Zayn’s collarbone before closing her eyes to sleep, fully prepared to enjoy her last night with Zayn. He can make all the promises in the world but Perrie knows there is no fixing this. 

-

Perrie isn’t surprised to wake up alone. There’s a sketch taped to her bedroom door that Perrie wants to ignore. Instead she carefully peers it off and studies it like it holds all the answers. The sketch is of her, curled up in her bed alone. Zayn’s written _wait for me_ in large letters. To Perrie, the girl in the sketch looks nothing like herself, but she supposes it is from Zayn’s point of view. She places the drawing carefully at the bottom of her sock drawer, where she knows it’ll be safe without ever having to actually see it. 

She sends a text to Jade saying she can come home now, cleans up the leftover pizza, and tells herself that this isn’t something to be upset about. She was never actually with Zayn and never actually broke up with Zayn, so she has nothing to be sad about. 

But Perrie’s sad, so sad she feels like she never actually woke up this morning. She feels like she’s not a person at this moment, like since she’s not with the girls or Zayn then there’s no point in doing anything but lying on the couch and waiting for someone. 

She keeps moving, for fear that if she stops she’ll never start again, unpacking and cleaning and anything to remind her of not Zayn. 

Jade finally strolls into the flat, hair bouncing behind her. She throws her arms around Perrie, sighing happily into Perrie’s shoulder. 

“You’re my hero.” Jade proclaims, swaying with Perrie in her arms.

“Did I do something?” Perrie asks confused, detaching herself from Jade’s hold and moving her away.

“You got us the best opportunity we’ll probably ever get! Don’t be so modest!” Jade smiles happily, falling over the back of the armrest on the couch total bliss on her face.

“Did I?” Perrie lifts up Jade’s head and slips under her so Jade is resting in Perrie’s lap. 

“We got the call this morning. Tour starts in a month.” Jade throws her hands over her face and squeals like she can’t believe they’re going on another tour. Perrie’s just surprised they get a month.

“Who are we opening for, then?” Perrie asks, vaguely wondering if they good news is that they’re finally headlining a tour. 

Jade sits up and looks deep in Perrie’s eyes. “One Direction. Now, freak out.”

“We’re opening for One Direction?” Perrie shouts, jumping up and stomping to her room. 

“Didn’t you know?” Jade asks from close behind, rushing to keep up with Perrie. “Didn’t Zayn tell you?”

“Why would he tell me?” Perrie grumbles, face planting on her bed and immediately regretting it when she can faintly smell Zayn’s scent on her pillows. 

“Well he did it.” Jade says simply. Perrie snaps her head up to look at her band mate, clear confusion in her features. “Apparently they didn’t have an opener and Zayn convinced someone important to pick us. I thought you’d be happy about it. Why aren’t you happy about it? You’ll get to see Zayn, like everyday.” 

“Zayn and I are over.” Perrie says softly. Jade pouts and cuddles in to Perrie’s side. 

“If we’d known we wouldn’t have accepted, Pez. I’m so sorry. It was announced on twitter an hour ago.” Jade murmurs.

“It’s okay.” Perrie replies. “It is a great opportunity. And who knows, maybe there’ll be so many people on the tour that Zayn and I will never run into each other.”

-

Perrie avoids Zayn for the first few nights of the tour until Zayn literally tracks her down. She’s in a dressing room with the girls, letting Leigh-Anne sweep makeup over her eyelids, when Zayn bursts in, the worst look possible on his face. 

“Can we talk?” Zayn asks, his voice far away. 

“I have to get ready for the show.” Perrie replies, wishing the girls didn’t have to watch this. “You’ll have to wait.”

“Damn it, Perrie, I did this so we wouldn’t have to wait! Why are you so mad about it?” Zayn’s eyes widen and Perrie wants to be anywhere else.

“Because you did this!” Perrie yells, silencing the room. The girls look on in shock, freezing in place and watching with wide eyes. 

“What does that mean?” Zayn asks softly. Perrie stands crossing the room and leaving, trusting Zayn to follow her. They walk down the hall until Perrie finds an empty room, standing as far away from Zayn as possible. 

“We’re only here because you wanted me to be.” Perrie finally says.

“What?” Zayn asks completely confused. 

“We’re not on this tour because of our fan base or our album or our musical abilities or career! We’re here because you and I make out sometimes!” Perrie cries, throwing her hands in the air. “I worked hard to make our music something special and it’s like none of it mattered!”

“That’s not what I was trying to do!” Zayn argues. 

“Then what were you?”

“I was just trying to give you what you deserve!” Zayn yells, raising his voice for the first time in a long time. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “The band is incredible and deserves more recognition and I thought going on tour with us would give you that. You’ve earned it. And I really like you, Perrie. You’re the best person I’ve ever talked to and you take such good care of people but you don’t let anyone take care of you. I wanted to get to know you; I wanted to spend time with you. I just wanted to help you.”

“I don’t need help.” Perrie protest weakly. 

“I know. I wanted to help anyways. I’m sorry if I overstepped some boundaries.” Zayn says, smiling slightly and stepping closer to her, encouraged when she doesn’t move farther away. 

“Promise?” Perrie asks, already feeling herself giving in.

“Promise. I told you I’d fix this.” Zayn takes the final step into Perrie’s space and placing his hands on her hips. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me?”

“I guess.” Perrie breathes out, pressing her lips to Zayn’s. It’s been a month, she’s used to more, but Perrie has missed this more than she thought was possible. 

“One last thing.” Zayn says between kisses. “I want to tell fans we’re together.”

“We’re together?” Perrie asks into Zayn’s mouth. 

“I just assumed so.” Zayn kisses her again before pulling back and looking at her. “Is that okay?” 

“Yeah, that’s okay.” Perrie giggles and holds herself close to Zayn, reveling in the feeling of Zayn against her. 

It’s the first kiss with Zayn that feels like a beginning instead of an ending, the first kiss that doesn’t have an expiration date. Perrie can finally look at her relationship with Zayn and see more than just text messages on her cell phone and months alone. It looks good.


End file.
